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Charlize Theron says it hard being pretty

(GQ UK)

Charlize Theron on breaking out of being typecast early on

“Jobs with real gravitas go to people that are physically right for them and that’s the end of the story. How many roles are out there for the gorgeous, f***ing, gown-wearing eight-foot model? When meaty roles come through, I’ve been in the room and pretty people get turned away first.”

Charlize Theron on ageing

“We live in a society where women wilt and men age like fine wine. And, for a long time, women accepted it. We were waiting for society to change, but now we’re taking leadership. It would be a lie to say there is less worry for women as they get older than there is for men… It feels there’s this unrealistic standard of what a woman is supposed to look like when she’s over 40.”

Charlize Theron on South Africa

“I love my country. And it’s very hard for South Africans to believe that, because I left and speak in an American accent. I have a very, very strong connection to my country and to its people. It’s the mother that might have abandoned me, in a weird way, but not all the way. I’m not having a pity party, but I’m constantly trying to win its love back.”

People face a myriad of problems every single day but i guarantee you won’t hear ‘being too pretty ‘ get mentioned much and there’s a reason for that. The reason is being pretty is awesome thats why. That goes tenfold if you’re in the entertainment industry  especially in movies where your face and body are projected onto 50 ft screens. Being ugly doesn’t look any better on it not even a little bit.

Charlize didn’t come to America to act, she was a dancer and a model who got a contract to go NYC because you guessed it, she was really pretty! Shocking right. Then she ends up going to LA where is discovered by a talent rep at her bank after a screaming bout with a teller and almost 50 credits  later here we are. The ironic thing is that her most iconic  roles have been the ones where she is dirtied up and missing a limb like in ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ or just straight up woof like in ‘Monster’

No one cares about a ugly person playing another ugly person but when you have a statuesque stunner like  Charlize and you make her look worse than usual it is much more interesting to see and I guarantee you that helped her clean up during award season.

Without being pretty Charlize would have never become a leading lady because without that she would have never got in the door and I’m ecstatic that she made it because she’s a talent along with being a knockout who can rock a bald head or long goldilocks. You don’t find that much because its hard to find that combination so maybe just ease up on being too pretty. Plenty of actresses would literally kill for your success, so heed Scuba Claude’s words and be happy like zee hippo.

**UPDATE**

Charlize just landed the main villain in the next Fast & Furious .  See its not all bad.

PS. Obligatory Charlize being Charlize

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People I trust more than D’Angelo Russell

Most of us have heard about the D’Angelo Russell secretly videotaping Nick Young on SnapChat admitting to some indiscretions, his reasoning was that it was supposed to be a joke. Ha great joke man, got to remember that one next time I want to ruin someone’s life and my credibility along with my respect at the same damn time. If you want to know more details on it you can read about it here . But what I want to get into you is the some of the people I trust more right now than D’angelo Russell.

  1. Harry Ellis

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The businessman who worked with John Mclane’s wife Holly at the Nakatomi Corporation when it was seized by Hans Gruber and his henchman who were trying to rob it. Harry is much like D’Angelo being that he makes things uncomfortable between John and Holly by not so sneakily hitting on her by giving her a rolex for a present. But thats not even worst thing he did. He’s sleazy , loud, overtly cocky just an 80’s yuppie on the best performance enhancers money can buy. Then he sees his opening and seizes it when he sells Hans on how great he is and that he can help him and himself by giving up John’s location but really all he does is get killed for snitching.

 

2. Tim Donaghy

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The veteran NBA ref who was sent to jail after fixing games to control the point spread. At least you know when and where you are getting screwed with Tim so you can be on your toes with your head on a swivel and you don’t have to worry about a sneak attack.

3. Commodus

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I trust Commodus more than D’angelo because even though he smothered his father Marcus Aurelius and made it look like natural causes. He did it for a reason and that reason is because he wanted to be emperor. Being emperor is awesome and the perks are really great so I can see his motives. But why did D’Angelo send that video? It certainly wasn’t to be emperor or anything close.  The juice wasn’t worth the squeeze so tough break D’Angelo

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4. Pinocchio

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The main reason for choosing Pinnocchio is because I know where i stand with him. If he’s untruthful his nose literally grows so there is no absolutely no room for doubt.

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5. Petyr Baelish aka Littlefinger

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The Master of Coin and perhaps one of the most if not most skilled manipulators in all of the realm. He uses the information he collects from the brothels he owns to gain intelligence on political rivals so he can acquire more wealth. He’s a pimp and a blackmail artist and I still trust him more because I know where I stand with him. This list is all about expectations , and I would fully expect Petyr to exploit one of my weaknesses for his gain but I would never think my teammate would do it for no significant gain at all.

I still don’t understand what Russell had to gain out of all this but maybe thats the thing, there is nothing he wants to gain from it. Maybe he’s one of those individuals who just want to sit back and watch world the burn.

*UPDATE* Stop Daylight Savings Time….Pls

Can we stop with the farce that is daylight savings time already? Seriously to be still doing this in 2016 just bottles my mind. Daylight Savings Time was first suggested by Benjamin Franklin in 1784 and was unsurprisingly shot down by critics. So the country would have to wait until the First World War until the terrible idea hatched by good ol Benny to be implemented. The reasoning behind the change is at the time the country would use less coal and save other energy resources.  Then it made headlines again in the 70’s with the oil crisis.

But congress was not done there, it was tweaked in 1986 and then again in 2007 because they thought it wasn’t a difficult enough task for everyone and passed a law starting Daylight Savings time 3 weeks earlier and ending it one week later. Now maybe before everything was so computer integrated it wasn’t that much of a hassle to switch but in today’s world that is a major problem which ended up costing the US Economy $430 million in 2o1o alone.  Most importantly it fucks with your sleep schedule and no one wants besides those few who just want to watch the world burn.

**UPDATE**

Yep, stil sucks

Has Steph Curry Peaked?

After following up a Championship season in which he won league MVP and finals MVP in record breaking fashion, Curry is currently having an even better season which is quite remarkable.  He’s already topped his three point total from last season while taking less of them with 21 games left. Twenty one!  To go a deeper and get better appreciation for what he’s doing we can look at the PER (Player Efficiency Rating). PER measures of number of categories, such as field goals, free throws, 3-pointers, assists, rebounds, blocks and steals, along with negative results, such as missed shots, turnovers and personal fouls. It also accounts for a team’s pace of play so the Warriors playing in an uptempo system doesn’t inflate his PER.  Here are the top PER seasons of all time.

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Last season Steph posted a 28 which is good enough for top 60 all time but this season he has a posted a whopping 32.3 which if he keeps it up will be the best of all time. Not even LeBron who had maybe the best 5 year stretch of any player ever posted a 32. Bron went 31.7, 31.1, 27.3, 30.7, 31.6 respectively (It’s a crime that he got robbed by Rose for the 2011 MVP ).  The only other point guard’s who are in top 100 are Oscar Robertson, Magic , Westbrook, and Chris Paul. Great company to be in but none of those could shoot the rock at a transcendent level like Curry does. A 30+ PER has happened 18 times in the history of the NBA, by only 8 players. Of those 8 to do it only two players, Shaq and Wilt have gone on to have a better statical season following their first time reaching 30.

If his true shooting % stays finishes at 68% it would put him in the top ten all time. He would be the only point guard in it along with being the only non specialist wing player on it. All while taking the most shots by far of anyone on the lists. It’s not just threes either, he’s also in the top 15 in made free throws this year and on pace to break his career free throws attempted and made mark. Just shows that he’s getting it done all over the floor.

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Enough of the numbers already just take a look for yourself from his three 50+ outbursts this year

 

The answer remains to be seen if he has peaked or not but for him to best this season would put him in rarified air soaring alone and if there is a player that can pull it off it would be the baby faced assassin.

 

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*Update* He wasn’t the finals MVP, that was Iggy

Music and Lyrics: Overlooked Gem of the Week

Music and lyrics came out in 2007 starring one of the greatest Rom Com actors of all time in Hugh Grant and the free spirited party child Drew Barrymore who’s been in everything E.T. to Scream to Charlie’s Angels and the Sandler movies including one of his best  50 First Dates. She also does the cutest side mouth thing when she talks.drew

Oh, and 90’s Drew was throwing some serious heat

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Back to the movie , its about a has been 80’s pop group Pop modeled after the real life duo Wham! Fast Forward 20 years and he’s now performing high school reunions , state fairs.

He has a nice apartment on the Upper East Side along with a healthy love of potted plants that need watering. So with his work schedule busy he hires someone to water his plants and in walks Drew Barrymore being clumsy and adorable as usual.  Hugh has been struggling to still book the same amount of gigs as in years past so when a huge pop star happens to come across one of his old records and loves it , he has a chance to get reintroduced to the new generation. The catch is he has less than 48 hours to write a song and deliver it to her before she leaves the city.

His agent hooks him up with a popular industry songwriter  and he comes over to work on the song. Then in walks in Drew again and she starts to go about watering the plants when she starts to sing along to music in the background. On one verse she happens to sing  little too loud so they Hugh and the songwriter hears her. Hugh then puts her lyric into the song and thinks it works better but the songwriter disagrees then ends up leaving. So Hugh and Drew have to come up with the song and from that point she is rooted in his life.

Hugh and Drew sound surprisingly well even though I’m sure they got some help and the original songs they come up with in the are really good , see for yourself

 

It continues from there and to see the growth from Drew’s character into a real lyricist in addition to see how their relationship blossoms throughout the movie. Its really funny with plenty of dry humor , Hugh is charming usual added with the behind the scenes look music production and you end up having one very unique Rom Com and one of my favorites.

Prison Murder-for-Hire Plot Foiled by Joanie Pepperoni

(ABC News) A state prison inmate and his girlfriend have been charged in a murder-for-hire plot foiled by an undercover police officer posing as a go-between named Joanie Pepperoni, authorities said.

Laraine Patterson, 54, of Aliquippa, and Gregory Rouzer, 48, were charged Monday with criminal solicitation to commit homicide and conspiracy. Rouzer is an inmate at the State Correctional Institution-Pine Grove, about 50 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

According to a criminal complaint, the pair wanted to kill Randy Walters, whom Rouzer had targeted before. Rouzer was convicted of shooting Walters in 2008 and trying to have him killed in another foiled murder-for-hire plot in 2009.

After a fellow inmate tipped off police in August, a trooper posed as Ms. Pepperoni and received $1,000 of the agreed-upon $5,000 for the hit from Patterson last month, authorities said.

Online court records don’t list attorneys for the defendants, who face a preliminary hearing Feb. 29. Rouzer remained at the prison in Pine Grove on Tuesday, while Patterson was in the Indiana County jail, unable to post $75,000 bail.

Rouzer is serving 19 years to 60 years in prison for the previous plots on Walters’ life in Fulton County.

He was convicted of attempted murder and other charges for shooting Walters outside a home Walters and his girlfriend shared in Warfordsburg in February 2008.

Rouzer claimed that he had been invited by Walters to go squirrel hunting and that he accidentally shot Walters. The jury sided with prosecutors, who said Rouzer hid behind a shed outside Walters’ home and ambushed him.

Joanie Pepperoni , a fake name not seen since the likes of Ron Mexico and Carlos Danger . How do you trust a person with that name enough to give them money to kill someone? I wouldn’t trust Joanie Pepperoni with bagging my groceries. What other names did the police go through before deciding on Ms. Pepperoni? Tony Spaghetti must have already been used. Maybe Larry Linguini, Mary Mozzarella and Pete Pesto got left off the ballot.

Walters must have really pissed off Rouzer for him to go after him like that but then again he’s in in the pokey for 60 years and he’s 48. He probably figures he doesn’t have much to lose so he is going to get Walters any way he can and kind of have to respect his will but not his execution. He had the element of surprise twice now and screwed it up both times, the next go around he should get a professional instead of Laraine to do some due diligence. I happen to know just the man for the job

 

Adam Levine’s Wicked Cool Tattoo

(Huff Post) The Maroon 5 frontman revealed a newly finished back piece — which was six months in the making (!!!) — on Instagram Monday. The tattoo, done by Bryan Randolph of Spider Murphy’s Tattoo in California, shows a mythological scene with a mermaid in the center; she’s holding a skull in her hands as a ship rides over the waves behind her.

This piece of artwork took 6 months to complete. You can really see how that paid off with the intricate needlework displayed throughout ranging from the clouds above to the waves underneath. The best way to describe this is a mix between Pirates of the Caribbean , the Little Mermaid with Ed Hardy on top to really get it going. Speaking of the mermaid, why does she wings?

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What the Fuck is going with her face? 6 months of work to have a cross eyed broad on your back is a tough pill to swallow. Another thing about the skull

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Why is it bigger than the head of the mermaid?  Who’s head is that a giant? Maybe Poseidon? We’ll never know.  Come Levine, it took 6 months! This is terrible and doesn’t go together at all. He just needed to add some Chinese lettering to make it a hodgepodge of the most popular things people get. The more I look at the face the more it reminds me of this gem hhh.gif

It took 6 months and this was the best comparison I could find, I cant wrap my mind around that. I wonder if his wife made this face when she saw it because its the same one I made.

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Five Reasons Hoverboards are the Worst

This week the Feds issued this alert on hover boards “There is no such thing as a safe hoverboard on the market today. Sorry, friends — regardless of where that lithium ion battery came from, you need to step away from your favorite new mode of transportation.”

Here are my top 5 reasons

  1. The headlights,we get it you’re on hoverboard you don’t need to draw any more attention to yourself Swagway-THUMBNAIL-1.jpg
  2. Where do you store when you go somewhere? Do you just carry it around and sit it next you if you go out to dinner. Seems like a hassle
  3. The face people make when they aren’t sure if they are going to fall or not. The “we oh ohhh oh ok ok ohhh no” face
  4. The spontaneous explosions. What other mode of transportation fails more frequently than hoverboards? None, thats what.
  5. Finally there are NOT Hoverboards , they roll along on the ground. Its a mini segway. Hoverboards don’t have wheels hence the word hover in the name. This is a hoverboard.

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Hopefully this will be enough to start the downfall of the silly overboard. John Drengenberg, the consumer safety director of the Underwriters Laboratories, a research group that ascertains the safety of thousands of products, says, “No hoverboard has passed the certification process at this time.” Haha, no shit John. I see a hoverboard horror story every week on the news. The only good thing about hoverboards are the fail videos

 

The silver lining to all of this is with the overpopulation problem in the world every dumbo that cracks their noggin open falling down helps cull the herd a little bit and makes the world a little bit better for everyone.

Walking Dead Premiere Quick Thoughts

I watched it a second time so I could live take it…

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  1. The charismatic evil biker guy working for Neegan talking a big game right now
  2. What a save , I for sure thought Sasha was getting it—OH SHIT
  3. WHAT HAPPENED?! BazooKA Daryl in the house ! walking-dead-rocket-laucher.gifwalking-dead-bike-explosion.gif xltfqrqbvb2vckorstkp.jpg
  4. “Nibble on that” Abraham says to the severed head of the biker cell 
  5. Man, depressed bowl cut has a had a rough go but he’s such a drag 
  6. Father Gabriel stepping up? Are the tides finally turning for him?
  7. Sam says he can keep going through walkers is laughable, this should end well
  8. I think hate Ron more than Sam, and thats saying a lot. Such a squid 
  9. Edith and Glenn are a really strong combo
  10. Creepy Wolves guy is such a psycho but it looks he really likes his hostage Denise
  11. Glenn Speech! I’m pumped , I’ll fight side by side to the end with you dawg!
  12. Edith is all in after that speech of course 
  13. Gotta give it to him, the Wolves guy plays a creep so fucking well. My skin crawled as he glared at her with those black pools for eyes 
  14. Long commercial break that its night time for Rick and Crew doing the buddy system through walkers. 
  15. Aw Sam is losing it, Carol doomed him. Playing the long game like a boss
  16. Sam has STOPPED. Oh no he’s losing it annnnnnd so long Sam walking-dead-sam-bite.gif
  17. Hot mom stop screaming over your lame son. Aw shit goodbye Hot Mom, should of listened to Rick sooner walking-dead-jessie-gone.gif
  18. WTF Ron, why a point a gun at Rick . 
  19. I wish Michonne would’ve lopped his melon off instead walking-dead-ron-shot.gif
  20. Damn  Carl that’s gonna sting in the morning walking-dead-carl-eye.gif
  21. I can sense it…its coming… the “CorALLL” by Rick. I wonder how many times he will say it
  22. Eugene trying to man up and getting shot down is so emasculating to watch
  23. I wonder if Eugene is a Fop or a Dapper Dan kind of man? That has to be the only answer for how his mullet stays so on point during the zombie apacolpsye. 
  24. Aw Wolves guy going back for her, he changed. Chop his arm off daisy! 
  25. Carol Vs. Morgan…who’s side to take?!
  26. Carol’s of course carol-morgan
  27. Daisy flashing the bedroom eyes at her former captor 
  28. Carol from the top ropes! She snipes the Wolves guy
  29. Daisy shook that off quick when she saw CorALLLL coming in not looking to great doing his best Fetty Wap impersonation 
  30. OH YES, Rick has flipped the Savage switch. No one goes as hard as Rick does when  gets into his zone
  31. Where does Rick get all this energy from? He’s truly the chosen one
  32. Michonne right behind him. When are Rick and Michonne going together? Power couple like you read about
  33. Rick is destroying so many walkers he is inspiring everyone to come out and go nuts
  34. Father Gabriel has turned it around. He’s seeing the light. Good Job Carver father-gabriel-redeemed.jpg
  35. Glen and Maggie are so ride or die for each other
  36. Oh nO Glenn , not again. Maggie’s screams break my heart 
  37. WHOA! Abraham doing his best Daryl impression  coming out of nowhere with the assault rifle to save Glenn from certain peril (good joke writers) 
  38. Abraham has had the best one liners this episode and he’s nailing them abraham-pal
  39. Daryl always has a plan 
  40. How did so many walkers gather together so densely like this? Did they all come from a Kelly Clarkson concert back in 09 at the Georgia State Fair? I guess we may never know
  41. Man, the bazooka is really a game changer 
  42. The hacking montage was really good walking-dead-kill-montage
  43. All it took was three “CorALL” ‘s by Rick to bring Carl out of his coma .

Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship knowingly sailed into Hurricane

 

(DailyMail)

  • Sen. Bill Nelson called for investigation into a Royal Caribbean cruise after it sailed into a predicted storm
  • The Anthem of the Seas ship said winds were more extreme than expected despite knowing about them in advance
  • A meteorologist said what the cruise did was ‘no different than purposely sailing into a category one hurricane’
  • The storm forced 4,529 passengers and 1,616 crew on board to be locked down in their cabins for hours
  • Yesterday Royal Caribbean announced it would cancel the rest of the trip and head back to New Jersey  

Royal Caribbean could be in hot water after it knowingly let one of its largest cruise ships sail into a storm with category one hurricane-like strength, which forced passengers into more than ten hours of lock down.

Florida Senator Bill Nelson asked why the ship would continue right into the path of the ferocious storm that had been predicted at least four days on February 3, before the cruise encountered it.

Senator Nelson called for the National Transportation Safety Board to investigate the Anthem of the Seas voyage, which fought through waves as high as 30 feet and winds of approximately 150mph.

‘The thing about this storm was that it was forecast for days.

‘So why in the world would a cruise ship with thousands of passengers go sailing right into it?’ Nelson said on the Senate floor on Monday.

Royal Caribbean said in a statement the ship experienced ‘extreme wind and sea conditions’ that were not expected.

Captain Claus Andre Anderson and cruise director Abe Hughes posted a video to YouTube yesterday saying the storm was much more intense than originally predicted.

‘I have never seen a low-pressure (storm) that was not forecast anything near like what we experienced.

‘It developed so quickly. And that’s the thing, it just became so intensified in eight or nine hours. It goes from being nothing to a full-blown storm,’ Captain Anderson said in the video.

Ryan Maue, a digital meteorologist for WeatherBell Analytics, told NJ.com he couldn’t believe that was true.

‘The storm was well forecast by many different weather models from every agency.

‘This situation is no different in practice to purposely sailing a vessel into the path of a rapidly developing Category one or two hurricane.

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Cruises are the worst , and this is just another page in the book why. First you are trapped at sea with hopefully a competent captain and crew. Secondly you are surrounded by thousands of strangers, most them being senior citizens which sounds awful. Heaven forbid if one those people get sick and spread a virus throughout the ship which.  Thirdly a cruise ship is basically a hotel and who wants to be stuck in a hotel their whole vacation where the view is the ocean and maybe some wildlife if you’re lucky.

David Foster Wallace put it beautifully when he said “There’s something about a mass-market luxury cruise,” he writes, “that’s unbearably sad. Like most unbearably sad things it seems incredibly elusive and complex in its causes yet simple in its effect: On board the Nadir (especially at night when all the ship’s structured fun and reassurances and gaieties ceased) I felt despair.” Despair, thats exactly what cruise ships evoke in me and many others.

If you don’t believe me just take a look at CruiseShipDeaths and Carnival cruise line’s guest review page  . This could of been much worse for Royal Caribbean , all and all only some broken glass to be swept , tables flipped back over so it wasn’t that bad. But look how close it was to being horrific, seriously cruises suck. You will probably die if you go on one, and get diarrhea. Or at least one of those.

Speaking of diarrhea do you remember the Carnival cruise that lost power, caught fire in the Gulf of Mexico and had to be towed back to port over 4 days.  It was dubbed the ‘Poop Cruise‘ One of the Passengers said  “It was a horrible experience,” testified Michelle Key, 48, who went on the cruise with her mother, Fleda Key, 68. “I walked through water and feces and urine, no telling what else,” she testified. “We would slip and slide through greasy, gross, slippery muck,” she said, adding “it was very difficult” for her mother. Fleda Key described having terrible diarrhea on numerous occasions and having difficulty finding any toilets that were not overflowing. Christ thats terrible and they had to eat onion sandwiches on top of that. So don’t go on cruise or you’re gonna have a bad time. The only way to do a cruise is if you get a Diddy yacht so its just you and your crew other than that no thanks I’ll stick on dry land.

PS.

This how I imagined the first guest disembarking from the Poop Cruise

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