Five Reasons Hoverboards are the Worst

This week the Feds issued this alert on hover boards “There is no such thing as a safe hoverboard on the market today. Sorry, friends — regardless of where that lithium ion battery came from, you need to step away from your favorite new mode of transportation.”

Here are my top 5 reasons

  1. The headlights,we get it you’re on hoverboard you don’t need to draw any more attention to yourself Swagway-THUMBNAIL-1.jpg
  2. Where do you store when you go somewhere? Do you just carry it around and sit it next you if you go out to dinner. Seems like a hassle
  3. The face people make when they aren’t sure if they are going to fall or not. The “we oh ohhh oh ok ok ohhh no” face
  4. The spontaneous explosions. What other mode of transportation fails more frequently than hoverboards? None, thats what.
  5. Finally there are NOT Hoverboards , they roll along on the ground. Its a mini segway. Hoverboards don’t have wheels hence the word hover in the name. This is a hoverboard.

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Hopefully this will be enough to start the downfall of the silly overboard. John Drengenberg, the consumer safety director of the Underwriters Laboratories, a research group that ascertains the safety of thousands of products, says, “No hoverboard has passed the certification process at this time.” Haha, no shit John. I see a hoverboard horror story every week on the news. The only good thing about hoverboards are the fail videos

 

The silver lining to all of this is with the overpopulation problem in the world every dumbo that cracks their noggin open falling down helps cull the herd a little bit and makes the world a little bit better for everyone.

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